23 Feb 2018   personal  0


Deeper into that seemingly bottomless body of water


The light from above dims

And all that welcomes the sinking body


From all direction;


Creeping into the bones; and


Dulling his every movement, suffocating him, pulling him further down

That once tireless body

That once swam across and above the water that had seemingly no horizon

Now a shell of what it once was

The flame that kept it warm no longer burns

Or has it just dimmed?

All the effort of the soul within had put into trying to reignite that flame

even only to enable it to keep the body warm

even it was only for a little bit

were all in vain

When one has no desires or dreams, any attempt to instill motivation is futile

Inspiration is but a temporary cure

that is hard to obtain or create

that is difficult to sustain and nurture

under that deep, dark and cold body of water

The current world is a happy place

relatively speaking, from history

People are more accepting

Balance is being made

And opportunities sprouting everywhere

Like mushrooms after the rain1

Such a wonderful world hasn’t the place for those who seek nothing from it!!


Putting it that way is simply obfuscating the truth and placing one’s blame onto an inanimate and abstract object

The truth is that without a clear desire, dream or goal

it is as if one is only swimming aimlessly on the ocean

Today - one may wish to go west

Tomorrow - perhaps east

The day after - south might sound like a wonderful idea

And on some other day - perhaps north

Such tomfoolery has not only a low chance of ever meeting dry land

but one day

the body and mind would grow numb towards these impetuous decisions

And then…

with nowhere to rest and no destination in mind

the sinking begins

But no one can save you

And you cannot keep that fact hidden forever

As the hands of the merciless clock turns

lagged behind in a world that is constantly moving forward

you would continue to wilt and, without your own choice, start draining nutrients from the other plants around you

You do realize the true solution to this mess

the true root of the problem

It has been more than 15 years

Aside from the two instances where you were denied your believed purpose

never have you been able to decide on arriving to that solution

a solution so trivial and easily describable

a solution that almost anyone would be able to give an answer to

one that they do not even need to put too much thought into answering

one that they may not even need to be aware of

because it is essentially what makes them

lead them to where they are today

and tell them where to go from here on


I’ve ask you before, and it has been numerous times that I have asked:

What is it that you want?

  1. A Malay proverb, namely “bagai cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan”. It has been translated literally. 

- Japorized -


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